Still in fetal position, trying to untangle my mind, making a list of things to sell so we can still pay the home health aide so desperately needed, while simultaneously having to rewind the justice clock. (The fat lady has yet to sing as my adversary has filed yet another motion, this time saying the Appellate Court got it all wrong, not due to any misinterpretation of law or ignorance of fact, but solely because she has declared it so.) Can’t say that one took me by surprise, though.
I am so, so, tired of having to expend what little energy I have and what little time I have left, trying to fend off the constant barrage of spit-balls, cannon balls, and cow pies that certain people seem to delight in flinging my way. I have wasted too much of my life trying to understand them, trying to please them, trying to flee from them, trying to be loved by them. But I realize now it has always been a losing battle, for reasons that know no logic. I really believed that I had finally become immune to this kind of hurt but know now that I am not. I cannot change the facts. I cannot change others. What the hell took me so long to see that? My psychologist tells me the answer to that question is that I am just too good and honest and make the mistake of assuming everyone else is, too. While I appreciate the compliment to my character, if his analysis is right, it just seems so sad.
But despite all the sadness, I am proud of the person I chose to be and despite all the tears, have no regrets. So stick with me my friends, as my job now is to remind myself who I am and who are my real friends and family, and to teach myself once again how to fly with the Eagles, as this Phoenix shall rise again!
And now, some silly little images I made to cheer myself up, perhaps more suitable for a 6-year-old girl, but as I never really got a chance to be a kid when I actually was one, I am giving myself the chance now to make up for lost time. Enjoy!
Free Clip-Art / Icons of the Day
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