Yup. I finally completed relocating all of my original clip art, icons & desktop wallpaper to different servers and updated all the affected posts on this blog. Now there will be no interruption in the accessibility of those files AND the loading time for viewing my blog should be much faster. While it was a big and tedious job involving a few hundred files and over a hundred posts, I suppose that my enthusiasm (as denoted by this post’s title) is a bit pathetic considering the fairly trivial nature of this accomplishment in the vast scheme of the universe, but if there is one thing I’ve learned in my life, it is the importance of finding as much pleasure in the little steps and small achievements as I would on reaching my most important goals. None of us can count on being as capable as we are today (to whatever degree that is), much less have any guarantee we’ll even be alive tomorrow. The odds I face are substantially lower than average, so I’ve spent a lot of time over the years (and especially over the last few months) trying to convince myself how important it is to be pleased with what I CAN do and be proud of myself for doing whatever I realistically COULD do towards reaching my ideals. That’s a tall order to ask of one who has always had high expectations and standards for herself.
Being my toughest critic has largely served me well during my first 57 years as it has motivated me to work as hard and as smart as I could to constantly improve my skills and my usefulness to others. While I certainly appreciate the complements and reliance on my ability to deliver bestowed on me by so many others, I’ve never been able to get away from the feeling that I should have done more and done it better (whatever “it” was). By some theories, such perfectionism is a good thing where it spurs one on to grow and become the best they can be as a person and to reach the pinnacle of their abilities. The downside arises when you’re too slow (or fail altogether) to recognize when you’ve already reached the limits of your abilities, whether due to limitations within you or due to external factors outside of your control. The problems such lack of recognition poses includes the inability to enjoy or take pride in whatever you have accomplished, the stress and frustration of continuing to strive for a goal that, through no fault of your own, will always be out of your reach; and the loss of opportunity to ever feel completely at peace that comes from knowing you did your best. I actually didn’t realize I had this problem until very recently because I had always considered myself to have a fairly well-balanced ego; but what happened was a resistance to recognizing that my seemingly infinite ability to find ways to overcome adversity (both internal and external) is in fact, not so limitless.
While I have surprised (pleasantly) my physicians by having beaten the odds of surviving much longer than expected given all the complications of dealing with the lethal combination of multiple serious, life-threatening diseases and conditions, I have hardly come through this all unscathed. I thought that by having a positive attitude and stubbornly telling myself that I “refuse to die” that I could not only cheat death but somehow avoid the physical and emotional suffering that’s associated with those diseases and conditions as well. In the past, that attitude has made a huge and positive difference in my life in overcoming many physical disabilities and tremendous external adversity. For instance, as a result of having served as a “guinea pig” to early experimentation with brainwave biofeedback forty years ago, I learned to be able to control my brain and body to the extent that I could prevent or stop my epileptic seizures from developing past the “aura” stage almost 100% of the time; learned to be able to stop and restart my heart at will; and could self-hypnotize myself deeply enough to undergo surgery to remove lumps in my breasts and even a root canal without any anesthetic. So I had come to expect that there was nothing in the world I couldn’t overcome. But the years of exerting such extreme efforts and the piling on of one disease or condition on top of another over and over again, and the years of being subjected to the intense emotional stress of 12-year long lawsuit with someone I should have been able to trust and turn to for compassion and help, finally took their toll on me over this last year. It wasn’t until that lawsuit reached yet another brick wall in November 2011 that I realized I no longer had the strength or energy to continue my pursuit of justice, that I finally realized that there simply are things outside of my control no matter how hard and earnest my efforts and no matter how reasonable, fair, or “right” my goals may be. Sometimes, a positive attitude just isn’t enough and sometimes the bad guys “win”.
I’d like to still believe that somewhere along the line G-d ensures that justice will be done and no undeserved pain, suffering, or early death will have been in vain, but I am still working on accepting the fact that I will likely never know if such belief is merely the dream of a fool. Part of that effort is learning not to be so hard on myself and to learn to enjoy even the smallest accomplishment all on its’ own and not taking it for granted or judging it as a failure for being still short of my expectations. I am trying my best to be satisfied with myself for having tried, and for doing whatever is the best I can realistically do at any particular time. In one sense, this requires lowering my expectations of myself, and I am trying to learn not to see that as a failure or to feel guilty that I could not do any better. I’ve never applied such stringent standards to my expectations from others and so just need to be able to be as forgiving and supportive towards myself. That’s somewhat of a culture shock and requires “un-learning” a lifetime of beliefs. It is this revelation and struggle that has lead me to look deeper into the lessons I can take from Buddhist, Taoist and Native American philosophies, as they strike me as being the least influenced by the material world and the most in touch with the unvarnished, true nature of man. I’ll be writing more about my progress in posts to come.
Back to the mundane: Here’s the list of the last group of posts that I have updated, followed by a fresh batch of freebies and some of the latest of my designs at IconDoIt – The Store.
MORE UPDATED POSTS
- The Constraints of WordPress.com
- Deviation to Green Day & Zack
- Escher-Sketch Redux
- Art Deco: Icons – OR – Clip Art?
- Fox Spokane Art Deco Icons, Pt. 2
- Mrs. Hudson & Sherlockian Icons
- Freedom Rings
- CSI – Mac?
- The Morale Chorale
- Cleveland Indians & Art Deco Icons
- A Comeuppance & Twitter Birds
Free Clip-Art / Icons of the Day
WHAT’S NEW ON ZAZZLE
My Wild Irish Rose
This St. Patrick’s Day card featuring IconDoIt’s original rendering of a richly textured-looking red, red rose against an antique moss-toned wall is really quite special in its’ beauty and message. The real St. Patrick was more about love than drinking green beer so we believe his day is as perfect a time as any to tell her you love her. And since she won’t be expecting a card of this nature on March 17, it will be far more meaningful and just might earn you that magical kiss you’ll never forget!
Truth in Action (iPad Case)
For the consumate legal professional, this hard-shell iPad case features IconDoIt’s original artwork of the Scales of Justice with Benjamin Disraeli’s iconic quote: “Justice is Truth in Action” or swap it out for your own logo. And don’t forget to personalize the text!
Themis Spiral Notebook
Great spiral notebook for the law student, lawyer, judge, or for those who love justice and have extraordinarily good taste! 😉 Cover design is an Art Deco inspired original by IconDoIt.